i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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