ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
