I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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