I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
