did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
