Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
