awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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