is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
