I wish they made helmets for livers.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize