six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
