my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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