does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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