Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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