I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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