Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
