Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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