I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
