Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
