What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
