Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize