these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
