I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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