Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
