just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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