she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
