just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
