Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
this hospital has no fireball
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
