Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
