I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
