I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize