I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
