So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
