I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we're making bets on your personal life
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
