Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
