pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Congratulations! We have a period
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize