things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
