i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
