There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
