Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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