You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
