Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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