I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
high people should be assigned attendants
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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