I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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