i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
