I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
