First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
