She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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