why didn't you poke me back
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
