Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
