I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize