At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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