fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
