____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
