areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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