Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
