I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
