I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
