Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
