It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
