we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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