Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize