apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
