i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
