It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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