just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
