"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
