I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
