i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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