Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
