Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
