if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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