I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
